March 11, 2008 § 1 Comment
ya know–there is something really messed up with our society when it comes to the way that we approach each others bodies. i mean fucked up. please excuse me for not cursing. basically if you look anorexic, but are just naturally anorexic-looking that is considered to be the health ideal. i remember telling someone during my pregnancy that i wanted a belly after my pregnancy, that i thought bellies were cute, and she actually patted me on the shoulder and pursed up her lips and i thought she was going to spit. but instead spent the rest of my pregnancy acting sorry for me because i looked pregnant. at another point telling me, when i was 8 months preggers, that: you cant hide your pregnancy. lord have mercy.
and then i was at a family wedding 3 months after giving birth. dancing having a good time. and some person, in that condescendingly sweet passive aggressive way that people have at weddings (which is why i dont like going to them) i hope that you do lose all your pregnancy weight. my daughter did when she had her child…
at the same wedding i was told by someone that they really liked my dress because it made my chest look smaller.
and then there was the parting shot: when someone took me aside to tell me how so and so was afraid that she was going to gain too much weight in her pregnancy and she was disappointed because she wouldnt be a cute pregnant lady. implication: she would look like me when she was pregnant and that aint cute.
you want to be cute? you want to be healthy? you want to know whether you should breastfeed your kid or use a bottle? you want the answer to most of those questions. be happy. seriously. the thing i should have done (and this is my one regret about my pregnancy, my birth, and my early mamahood…in case anyone asks) is that i should have lived where i was happy and warm. surrounded myself by people who made me happy and warm. and refused to deal with anyone who insisted upon pushing their body issues onto my body. i tried to do these things, but i was just told that i was being ‘selfish’ and ‘difficult’ and ‘i didnt really mean that’ and ‘be practical’…fuck.
man, are people hateful spiteful passive aggressive cowards when you are looking fabulous.
and do not be nice to people who smile in your face and tell you how good you look and then turn behind your back and tell everyone how sorry they feel for you…fuck that.
so there is some pregnant woman out there who needs to sit down and make a list about what would make her happy and then she needs to move mountains to make sure that she gets all of that happiness and more. i really wish that for her tonight. and she should dance and feel fabulous. because it is good for the heart and the brain and yes, even the baby.
so dont let anyone feel sorry for you. just walk away. even if you suspect that they feel sorry for you. or fight them. or both. dont let them feel sorry for you. not for your size or your shape or your color. cause lookism is ridiculous and basically people are just trying to put you down because you are too happy for them to handle. so get happier. and surround yourself with happy people or happy silence, but dont let someone else define how you feel about yourself.
cause especially if you belong, like me, to those segments of society which are least likely to be treated like a real person, then you need to learn now how to move mountains now. and ask yourself what would make you the most happy. and then just do it. even jesus said you could. yeah, even that nike commercial. yeah, even your ancestresses know that you can. and that is revolutionary motherhood.