at the sinai thinking about mothers

April 1, 2009 § 2 Comments

1. i am at nuweiba in the sinai. the red sea is a few yards away and so blue. across we can see saudi arabia, jordan, and palestine. the mountains half a mile from the sea are the same mountain range that we lived in palestine. they are round and craggy. my favorite mountain range in the world. the call to prayer just flew by and the sun has disappeared. the sky is grey blue preparing for night.

i am more relaxed than i have been in a long time.

2. i remember reading this before and agreeing with it for the most part.  noemi has created a great and incisive statement.  what caught my attention especially (probably because it is in bold) is this statement:

single parenting is so so fucking DIFFERENT than a family with 2 parents.  SO SO DIFFERENT.

growing up as the elder daughter of a single mom.  i would definitely agree with this statement.  as i would agree with the statement that being a mother with disabilities is very different from being an able-bodied parent.  and i would agree that being a mother that has health care for your kids is very different than being a mother who does not.  and being a mother who has a job is really different than being a mother who is unemployed.

motherhood and its varying intersections life styles expressions across the globe are infinite.

what i worry about is making a singular divide between single mothers and partnered mothers.  i guess i am thinking about mothers that i know who are with partners who are abusive.  and i am thinking about a mother who has disabilities and her partner provides a high of level assistance.

and i am thinking about my mother who chose to be a single mother.  felt being married to my dad was worse.  and tells me: that single motherhood is tough as shit. and i knew that growing up.  hell, it aint easy being the one who has to hold it down cause your mom is always working.

i am thinking how when my mother became a single mother our lives did become very different.  and saner. and happier.  and more stable.

and the women of color with whom i connect are diverse.  that is part of what i love about radical women of color. our diversity.  our creativity in finding ways to relate and build and love and communicate.  the uniqueness of each our lives and stories.  the way that we live out being a rwoc globally.

when i published the Revolutionary Motherhood zine i published primarily mothers of color.  but i also published two white women who had biracial children.  and i published a women of color who was not a mother.  and i loved the diversity and variety of voices that were centered.  single mothers. queer mothers.  working class mothers.  daughters of color.

and so in building a community a multi-centered, multi-foci, multi-relational rwoc community we need to center single mothers.  we need to center the unique and beautiful lives of mothers and their relationships.  we need to center caretaking. and mothering ourselves.  we need to center love.

3. today aza pushed another lil girl.  and the girl started crying.  and then aza went up to her and gave her a kiss and a bottle.  and looked at her gently.  and after a couple of minutes the two started playing again.  and i thought how yes, egotism is a part of the human experience from the beginning.  but so is sweetness and apologies and relationship-building.  we as human beings have so much potential to create community.

4. i love you too.


§ 2 Responses to at the sinai thinking about mothers

  • Amapola says:

    nothing in particular to say, except– it makes me really happy that mamas like you are writing and talking about all this, and that i get to have it as a referent for when my partner and i start having our own babies in the not *too* distant future. needless to say, our family will be so different from the ones we grew up in, and it feels really valuable and lucky and powerful to get to learn from other rwoc mamas now, and to know they’ll still be out there for guidance we’re mamas too.

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