April 5, 2009 § 33 Comments
here’s the thing. that i have to come to accept. that i dont want to accept. about myself. there are really cool people in the world that just dont interest me.
its like last week. we went to the beach. the red sea. it was beautiful. relaxing. freeing. joyful. and the couple with which we went. were cool people. brown liberals with law degrees doing good work. and they just didnt interest me.
and the whole weekend i was trying to figure out why.
and then i realized: they are full of bourgeois value judgements that i think are at best, ignorant and at worst, dangerous.
but it was their vacation. and they were cool enough. and i wanted to relax so i didnt call them out on their bull shit. i just got bored of hearing the same stories over and over again.
but by the last day i realized it was my lil family’s vacation too.
and i have seen some real shit in my life. and people who havent seen how evil people are. who havent faced death before. who arent survivors. who have had the privilege of sanity for most of their life. who find the mainstream comforting and safe. not alienating and isolating. who think violence happens out there. who understand war and occupation as theory and not life. who think that the police are helpful and not scary. who have always had enough money. who have always made sure that they couldnt be touched by anything but words.
they just dont hold my attention.
these people just hold a series of values that i dont subscribe to. and either i argue against the US-centric bougie nonsense or i just go mute. or i walk away.
somewhere amid all the violence i have survived since childhood i gained a sense of humor that is gallows and steeped in fuck the oppressors a revolution is comin baby after we kill off the gods. i dont malign the poor but the rich. i invert weakness as a strength. and i admire those who say: today is a good day to die. so lets fucking fight.
this does not make me a popular dinner guest.
it make me a damn fine revolutionary.
also, might make me a lil intimidating.
so i have come to accept (even though i dont want to. even though i am really really a sweet person inside. i am the kind of person who gives up her lunch money so you can by a nickel bag) that i am intimidating. and alot of folks enjoy my company. i mean alot of activists, radicals, artists, revolutionaries, survivors, veterans, punks, anarchists, etc.
but the bourgeois?
i move through the their world like frida kahlo. the lil housewife. too bored to stay awake.