conflict and love
September 19, 2009 § 4 Comments
here’s the problem. in a lot of chosen families/liberatory communities. we dont have a way of dealing with conflict. we just have to assume that we all agree. and we dont. i dont. i wont. i am standing at a slightly different angle. i have a different perspective. especially when we come from different cultures and communicating styles.
but. communities go in flames often after the honey moon period. because any conflict doesn’t feel safe. we haven’t agreed on ways to disagree.
so people shut the fuck up.
i was talking to a friend and she reminded me that there are communities that have been doing what we dream of doing. supporting each other. re creating the world. loving each other. for centuries. those communities dont outlive their purpose.
maybe it is so easy for us to leave a community that there is little will to stay and struggle.
maybe the staying and struggling seem so impossible because we havent agreed upon how we will talk to each other. how we will argue. how we will make decisions.
i am thinking about bfp’s new commenting policy. what i love about it is that it exists. it tells us how we are to argue with one another. hash things out. critique another’s words. with respect and love.
i still believe in radical love. probably more now than ever. this summer i focused on loving myself, my body, my past, my future. and i realized to love myself means that i must be vulnerable to myself. that if i am to be whole. i must first gather the discarded and forgotten parts of myself. my stories. my visions. my people.
we need to assume that we are going to disagree. passionately. and we must decide what is a good way to do so. that i what i learned. that all the parts of myself dont agree with each other. i live with contradictory visions and conflicting folks.