January 17, 2010 § 3 Comments


you can reach me by:

  • leaving a comment in the blog.
  • direct message me via twitter: guerrilla mama
  • facebook me.

i will be updating this blog about other events/projects going on.  but i will most likely not be posting up original pieces for a while.

i will continue to guest blog at flip flopping joy occasionally.

i am still accepting submissions to the outlaw midwives zine.  the deadline for submissions is february 14, 2010.

if you would like to post on raven’s eye please contact me and i will get you the info you need to post.

i will be focusing more time on writing, publishing, reproductive health, and surviving in this crazy world.  oh and love. radical love.

if you are looking for information on herbal/self-induced abortions.  the best places i have found online are:

sister zeus

and you can read online and download the excellent book, natural liberty.

i love you, ya ukhti.


Power (with a capital ‘p’) is truth

January 17, 2010 § 3 Comments

susurro wrote a beautiful post a couple of weeks ago that i have read multiple times.  it has me thinking so much about why i have decided to stop blogging for a while.

i am not stopping blogging because of her observations.  but does have me thinking deeper about the ways that differences in our experiences are seen as attacks against one another.

and our self-value must be centered in someplace other than social location and access to power.

Pomo also created the sense that everything was subjective and everyone was in doubt. And while questioning and troubling narratives, identities, and Truths, is essential to critical thinking and social justice work based on a decolonized model, pomo moved us away from the critical interrogations of post-structuralism and back toward the unmarked and potentially all knowing subject. It meant that anyone claiming that subjecthood could “call bullshit” on anyone else without really having to, as other feminists of color have suggested, “walk a mile with” the other people in the discussion……….

What does it mean to say that “truth is in the hands of Power”, capital P?

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buildings collapse on themselves like a broken heart

January 15, 2010 § 1 Comment

tomorrow will be the one year anniversary of entering israeli prison.  what a strange anniversary.

this week:

  • earthquake in haiti that kills app. 50,000 ppl
  • birthday of  martin luther king jr. assassinated while he was organizing a poor people’s campaign
  • obama’s one year anniversary of his presidential inauguration

and i start thinking god. what am i supposed to do with all this.

the day after i got out of israeli prison, obama was inaugurated.  i watched parts of the ceremonies on television from a tiny corner hotel room in amsterdam.  drinking heineken.  i felt like a stranger from another planet.  dutch folks congratulated me, once they found out i was from the us, on obama’s presidency.

i keep thinking of suheir hamad’s poem first writing since when i watching the palais tombe in port au prince:

i cried when i saw those
buildings collapse on themselves like a broken heart.

yes, i was celebrating freedom and hope at the bar in amsterdam a year ago.  but i couldnt tell you, and still cannot, if obama’s presidencey was a complement or a contrast to that  celebration.

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la luna

January 15, 2010 § Leave a comment

the shape of the moon the day i was born.  this moon is tattooed to my right middle finger.

foto of a crescent waning moon.

it takes a village to feed a mama

January 15, 2010 § 2 Comments

ive been meaning to write this post about nutrition for a long time.  but honestly, in some ways my views on nutrition are probably much more controversial than my other thoughts on the childbearing year.

so i kind of held off. thinking that i would do some research or whatever.

but i am just going to state that i think that there is way too much emphasis on nutrition during pregnancy.

now, dont get me wrong one of the first things to come out of my mouth when someone asks me advice or suggestions for having an empowered pregnancy and birth and post partum is as much green leafy vegetables, fresh fruits, lots of water, and rest and relaxation that you can get for yourself.

food is an important aspect of human life.


and i get wary when i see specific foods and numbers of grams being spouted as ‘ideal’ or ‘optimal’ for a pregnant or breastfeeding person.

one, because we fall into the mistake of creating an ‘ideal’ diet that automatically creates an ‘ideal’ person who thrives ‘ideally’ on this ‘ideal’ diet. and i am not saying that midwives and ob experts are trying to tell us that there is an ‘ideal’ person. i am saying that when we create ‘ideal’ diets, we are automatically also fashioning in the cultural imagination an ‘ideal’ person to go along with that diet.

and we know this.  we are critical of putting a laboring person on pitocin if her cervix isnt dilating one cm every hour even though that is the medical ‘ideal’. we know that pumping a pregnant person full of chemicals, vaccines and then doing so to the newborn because there is a slight chance that something could go wrong, often causes more harm than good.

and yet we are quick to tell a person what is the correct or optimal amount of protein they should consume daily in their pregnancy.  and supposedly we shame folks into these restrictive diets in order to save them from gestational diabetes, or physical weakness during birth, or large babies, or having a c-section, etc.

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cis woman fail

January 15, 2010 § Leave a comment

i have been using the word-woman- when talking about pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding, abortions, miscarriage and a lot of reproductive health issues. i apologize. i have realized that doing so is super cis-privilege.  in that not all people who get pregnant, give birth, breastfeed, miscarry, etc. are women.  some are gender queer, some are men, some are intersex, some identify with genders im not familiar with. and some dont identify with a gender at all.

some thoughts on self induced abortions

January 15, 2010 § 6 Comments

on menstrual extraction:
its kind of funny but it never occurred to me to get training. i figure i will build one myself. and start with testing the del-em on papaya until i get the feel for it. and then have someone -probably habibi who will help me build it- take out my period-unfertilized-so that i can see what it feels like. and then extract another woman’s period. and after that a couple of times. then do a fertilized uterus.. the first women who created the machines didnt have much to any training what so ever. and they taught the process in a few hours in workshops. on top of that i a reading lots and lots of personal accounts fro women who have undergone the procedure and those who have performed it. also i read/devoured the zine- jane- a few years ago and am going to re read it. i know women’s biology. ive had a miscarriage at 10 weeks pregnant and have assisted women post abortion. so i know a lot of what to look out for.
but i think that is just my way: im like a mad scientist. i always do the experiment on myself first. i dont like giving something to others that i havent tried.

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some questions…? but not really any answers…

January 15, 2010 § Leave a comment

–maybe our context is different.  maybe it is that when i think of sex workers, i think of women who have few choices, and sex work allows them a modicum of freedom that they wouldnt otherwise have. obviously this isnt all sex workers. just most of the ones ive known personally.

–i dont mind being told that i am working for the system. i am a us citizen.  writing on a computer powered by the israeli financed intel.  wearing clothes made by young women sweatshop workers in china. my child recognizes mickey mouse, barney, and some egyptian brand name, krombo, before she can recognize the difference between lavendar and mauve.  i live as a us citizen in egypt, egypt that supports israel’s destruction of palestine while being the number two recipient of us aid.  funny thing is that folks almost never call me out on that shit on the internet.  here, its all about the words you use.  not the actions that you make. radical feminsim, choice feminism, your feminism, my life, whatever.

–so when it comes to patriarchy. and sex work. and kink. and whatever else. bring the whole cadre of feminist analysis to the work, act, life.  sex work as empowering…sometimes.  sex work as demeaning…sometimes. sex work as the new great weapon against the patriarchy…im sorry…but who said that?  i dont know anyone personally who got into sex work as a great feminist break through the patriarchial strangle hold.  im sure they exist. but, i mean i believe in fairies too.

–just because patriarchy requires it, doesnt make it privileged. that much i know. women who are arrogant about their status of ‘mother’ are arrogant women.  if they werent a mother theyd be arrogant about something else. and hell, i have so so so had unattached women tell me that i was being immoral as well as selling out to the patriarchy because i got pregnant and decided to carry the babe to term.

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lonely huntress at the sea

January 11, 2010 § Leave a comment

i wrote this for a zine this summer that i didnt publish. god, ive got loads of zines unpublished in my office. anyways i was revising the zine and decided to take it out because it wasnt really fitting with the rest of the pieces.  but i wanted to share it anyways.

it is about being at the red sea and looking over to the shores of palestine…

the heart is a lonely hunter

looking at palestine i felt like if i reached my arms forward far enough i could touch palestine. the soul. the smoke. the caves. crazy that i couldnt just take a boat or a swim or a plane. instead i was stuck on the other side looking in. but then i started looking beyond palestine. beyond borders. the same water that touched palestine touched my feet. the red sea. the red heart.

part of my experience of loving palestine is heartbreak. loving palestine emans loving a place that i cannot return to. and yet it is not a mythological place. not imaginary. and still it survives. broken and vilified.

palestine is a people and a dream. a yesterday and tomorrow and most importantly it is a homeland. home. land. now.

and when we return home. it will not be like mecca or paradise. that interior space will still be lonely. the best we can home for is a few moments. we will pierce the heart of another. we will pierce the borders and boundaries. and simultaneously we will be pierced and our hearts will become a sancturary for the forgotten, the survivors, the lovers and fighters. we will balance loneliness and love.

on parental consent and notification

January 9, 2010 § 2 Comments

harriet jacobs brilliant analysis on the effects of abortion access restriction on minors. go read the whole thing and the comments:

After I ran away, I developed an intense interest in medical rights and access. If I got pregnant, as a teenage runaway not in the system, could I get an abortion? It wasn’t an academi subject, and every time I read a newspaper article about a new restrictive law for minors, I got physically ill. I searched out information on DIY abortions, along with DIY dentistry and medical interventions, all things I wasn’t sure I could get if I needed them. I came to the conclusion that I wouldn’t be able to perform an abortion by myself, much like I couldn’t perform dentistry for myself, but if it came down to it, I was pretty sure I could figure out how to fuck up bad enough to go to the emergency room but not bad enough to kill myself. That would be enough to force the hand of doctors, insurance agents, and the law, and I could get the care I needed with hopefully few remaining injuries. I just want to emphasize: I had nights where I forced myself through methodical daydreams about how I would pull teeth out of my own head with pliers, because I felt I had to be mentally prepared to injure myself enough to acquire medical attention without my father’s permission. I had nights where I reviewed where I could most quickly acquire the tools to create a failed abortion, if I had to get up out of bed and run to do it right that minute; I knew, somewhere in me, that not having sex with Flint wasn’t an option if I also wanted food and a bed to sleep in once I turned 18, so I had to be prepared for the consequences of that. So I hope you can understand why I am 100% against restrictions on minors acquiring medical care without parental notification or consent; this is not an academic or moral or legal or ethical issue for me. This is a body memory of where the closest places to buy knitting needles are, and how late those places are open, and who I could potentially con five dollars out of, and what excuse I could give them…

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