April 19, 2010 § 4 Comments
that is what i am learning. to savor every moment that i can. to find something beautiful and sweet and funny and joyful in situations i normally see as difficult and grinding.
savor the breath. because breathing is amazing. an amazing feeling.
learning to ride the waves of intense energy that flow through my body at times.
today is aza’s birthday. she woke up a bit early. and opened gifts. and took cake and balloons to her school. three years since her birth. funny, i thought i would be living in ethiopia by now. but its egypt instead.
filling the mind with the moment. and savoring the moment rather than trying to break it into little pieces, analyzing it, judging it, weighing it.
part of doing this was being able to say – in my crazy girl style – that hoping and waiting for something or someone to save me or us or the world is futile. that it doesnt matter how good our intentions are. when i am paying attention to what is going on right now. when i am awake and not sleep walking. then i rarely become paralyzed by the question of: what to do. effortless.
it doesnt cost anything to be happy. to savor life as it is right now. it doesnt cost anything to refuse to believe the self-hate that lurks inside of us, condemning us to chasing after one pleasure, then another, never satisfied.
its funny when i stop and really feel life. not just my external world. but feel the energy of life itself. other people’s opinions, negative or positive, about me, my life, my work become less important.
am watching jimi hendrix video on television. the video is fluid, lucid, sparkly, psychedelic and raver aesthetics.
how is it that there are times in my life when i can truly savor life. and other times when it seems nearly impossible? its not based on how much money i have had. it seems much more based on the fact that for me to be present, and savor the moment, i have to be willing to be honest with myself. if i am trying to hide anything from myself, hiding from my own fears, refusing to face the truth–i cant be content right now.
i have been battling sinusitis for the past couple of weeks. half of my week is me in bed miserable and in pain. the other half of the week is me trying to make up for all the work that i am behind on. which causes a certain level of stress…and boom…im in bed again in pain.
spring in cairo isnt the easiest time. i have no idea how to describe the level of air pollution in this city. habibi barely notices it. i can smell it roll in the mornings through the cracks of the windows.
drinking mimosas for breakfast.
happy birthday to mija for three years of awesomeness.
savor this moment. because we can. no matter what.