April 20, 2010 § 5 Comments

dont get me wrong.  hope feels nice.  it can be motivating.  if i can convince myself that tomorrow is going to be better than today…then it will be easier to get through today.

but i dont need hope to be motivated.  reality – the truth – what is sitting in front of me motivates me to act.  normally i rely on focusing on an imagined future, because the present is so hard to look at.

but its not til i look at the present.  the right now.  have i ever been able to figure out what to do next.

when i look reality in the face.  i see. clearly. im not the primary problem.  the world is fucked.  the system is abusive.  the primary problem is not my specific reactions to a fucked up world.  the problem is the fucked up world.

that makes me feel so much better than just hoping that the world will be less fucked someday.

because when i am focused on the present. on reality. i rarely have to ask myself what do i do next?  there is always something (so many things!) to do.

this is how i felt when i heard the land of cairo saying: run. save yourself.

that i had already known this.  this is almost the only place i have lived where i felt so little attachment to the land.  actually, when i was reading jensen in cairo, i had a hard time picturing what he was talking about.  trees?  wilderness? forests?  biodiversity?  land?  earth?  all i could picture in my head were concrete buildings with little windows, piles of concrete, sidewalk, tar, oil, smog, fumes…welcome to cairo.

let me put it this way: why do we need to believe that ‘there is always tomorrow’ in order to live for today?  why isnt today good enough for us to live for?  why isnt today motivating enough?  what is wrong with today?  what is wrong with our present world?

when my life is ‘going my way’ and i am feeling energetic and successful, i dont need hope.  i dont need to spend time imagining how the future will be better than right now, because right now is good.  if anything, i am afraid, in the future, life will get worse.  not hope, but dread.

i would rather have clarity about the present, than hope for the future.  perhaps that hoped for future will come to pass. or perhaps no.  what i do see is that hope for the future can frame and obscure the present.

if i am savoring the present, do i feel the need to hope for the future?  no. when i am joyful in the present, hope seems like a flimsy sentiment in comparison.

and when i am present in the moment, i begin to see so many more opportunities available right now, a fuller picture of the world as-it-is, something rich and whole and beautiful.

may i be motivated by the joy of being alive right-now.

may i be motivated by the sabor, the tastes of life.

may i be motivated by love.


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