July 13, 2010 § 5 Comments
the strange thing about being an atheist is well other atheists and other theists. i was trying to put my finger on what felt off to me and i think it is this:
talking to people who arent artists about spirituality or god is like talking to someone who doesnt speak my language. artists, for the most part, spend a lot of time in touch with an intuitive sense of how the world fits together. talking to someone about spirituality who treats intuitive understanding, that flash of ‘this’ or ‘yes’ or ‘right’ when looking at the world, as a rare event, i don’t understand where their spirituality, their sense of totality, their sense that the whole is greater than the parts, i dont understand where that sense is grounded.
non-artist spirituality seems to become a bunch of rules and dogmas. of authorities, of fears, of hopes, of memory verses, of parables.
i was thinking about this as i was wondering what do i believe, what am i loyal to, if not a god. really, not even a ‘higher power’. i realized i am loyal to my intuition. i spend a lot of time waiting to hear it. and i see that that loyalty pays off in ways that i cannot imagine in the moment as i am simply practicing my disciplines.
and when i dont listen to it, man, do i get burned sometimes.
so intuition to me is a really practical type of knowing. it guides me in art, in writing (like right now as i struggle through trying to put into words what comes originally to me as a feeling-sense), in conversation, in creating relationships, in work, in everyday activities like eating, sleeping, and laughing. it is my intuition that helps me make decisions. and an intuitive sense that i follow even when it breaks the rules and dogmas that were created externally from me.
not sure if i am making sense.
that is why i call it a mystic atheism.
intuition does not feel like something that is greater than me. more knowing and understanding than my lil ego, sense of self, self-identity — yes. but not greater than me.
where does this intuition come from? i guess the same place that my fingers and my hair and my voice come from. the same place that trees and stars and aza’s determination and will come from. it seems that everything comes from everything, it is all interrelated growing out of each other and dying into each other. and my intuition sees the whole, while i am busy moment by moment dealing with this part and that part of life. i have no need ( and a bit or irritation at) scientific materialism. i work to de-center myself. its not about me, existence is not about me.
existence is about existence.
and my intuition lives that reality.
i found this quote and wrote it in my notebook. even though i didnt note the source, i would like to share:
oh! i did note the source: a book called: simple zen
unconscious as nonconscious, ever present, deep within, healthy and natural, source of our potential – as we go through life, we learn from the consequences of our efforts what we can and cannot do, what ewe are like and what our limits and capacities are. we develop conscious thoughts and beliefs. some of them are accurate and useful, some are inaccurate and limiting. these conscious thoughts, beliefs and concepts are where problems come from, not the unconscious. we should return to the unconscious to the source of all that we are and can be. from the unconscious as foundation, new abilities can emerge.