how fucking beautiful life is

September 2, 2010 § 2 Comments

1. i had this incredible dream a couple of nights ago about how ‘enlightenment/satori is nothing’.  it ended with two glowing red suns in the sky.

after this dream, i have been feeling kind of down.  i realized that i have had in the back of my mind this lil wish, someday you will reach enlightenment.  and i know its fucking silly.  but it leads me to seeing how much of my life has been invested in this lil idea and now im not sure what to do.  with the whole living thing.  if my goal for my life is nothing…then what?

2. aza tells me the best stories about god.

sometimes she asks me ‘why’?  or ‘who did this?’ and i tell her: god did.  because i dont have another answer.  like, who made the flower orange?  who made my nipples like this?  who made this bump on my leg?

i figure, god did, is an honest answer.  about as honest as, i dont know.  and, that is just the way things are, babe. (these are things i also tell her…)

then she asks me, where is god?  and i say, god is inside of you, babe.

anyways, today she told me that god is america with her sister.  and god’s mama’s name is luna.

i really think that we could spend a lot less time teaching our kids about religion and spirituality.  and a lot more time letting them teach us.

did i mention i am like the most religious-friendly atheist around?

3. you can go to my flickr and check out pics from the past couple of weeks.  i will probably upload a few when we get real internet.  pics from dahab, hanging out with aza’s grandparents, and getting kicked out of our apartment and having all of our shit trashed.  good times.

4. i am really grateful to aaminah for all the beautiful things she sent.  amazing.  i am going to take a pic of the books and skirts and shirts and well all of it.  i dont know how to explain the feeling, like sitting outside on the curb with a big bowl of soft vanilla ice cream on the hottest day in summer. also thank you to aza’s grandparents for their gifts.  all of it, precious.

5.  sometimes i get really scared to see how fucking beautiful life is in all of its multiplicity and variety and just wow.  i cant handle it.

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