on vulnerability — notes

February 18, 2011 § 2 Comments

beautiful and funny ted talk on vulnerability.  here.

h/t natural attachment

connection is why we are here

shame is the fear of disconnection.  is there something about me that if other people know it or see it, that i wont be worthy of connection.

the only people who dont experience shame do not have the capacity for human empathy or connection.  no one wants to talk about it. and the more you talk about it, the less you have it.

in order for connection to happen, we have to allow our selves to be seen, really seen.

the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging, believe they are worthy of love and belonging.  the thing that keeps us out of connection, is the feeling that we dont deserve connection.


whole heartedness

–a sense of courage (to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart.)

–compassion to themselves first and others

–connection as a result of authenticity.  willing to let go of who they should be, to be who they were

–fully embraced vulnerability.  what made them vulnerable, made them beautiful.  willingness to do something where there are no guarantees.  vulnerability is fundamental, not comfortable or excruciating, just necessary.


vulnerability is the birth place of love joy creativity


-we numb vulnerability.   you cannot selectively numb emotions.  you cant numb the hard feelings without also numbing joy gratitude happiness.  and then we feel purposeless, no meaning.  and then we feel vulnerable. and then we numb again.  a cycle.

-we make the uncertain, certain.  just certain.

blame – a way to discharge pain and discomfort

-we perfect.

-we pretend that what we doesnt have an effect impact on other people.


-to let ourselves be deeply seen.  to love with our whole heart even though there is no guarantee.  to practice gratitude and joy.  to believe we are enough.


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